Just Leave Pt. 1

Tell me what makes this so important. Is it for honor? Strength? Bravery? Power? Love? You tell me because I need to know! I need to know what makes this so important to you! Surely there must be a reason. I already might lose someone from this. I can't lose you too. Do I just mean nothing to you!? Do you even care about me at all!? Or do you just say you love me to tool with my head!? I feel like I mean nothing to you. Nothing at all. And that you just want to *pause* leave. You keep talking about getting married and such. But you need to realize that I can't. I can't marry someone who won't be there for me. Who would rather be there fighting instead of being here with me. The seperation would kill me. How often would I get to see you? Once a year? Or twice if I'm lucky? No. That's not good enough for me. I need to know that I will be taken care of. That the person I marry truly does love me. And not love me as in marry me and then leave me for a year then see him. But the kind that I will wake up to in the morning. But you can't see that. All you see is getting married and then going off and fighting for a year. What if I lose you? What if you die and I never see you again? I couldn't take that! I couldn't take the pain. At that point I might as well die too. Because if you die. Then I must die too. Why a career though? Why can't it just be about 12 years? Tell me. I need to know. Why leave everyone who loves you to die? It makes no sense. You could do something great with your life and instead you would rather give that all up for battle. And every time we talk about it you just say how my opinion on this doesn't matter. Well it does if you want me to support you with your decisions. But hey. It doesn't matter anymore. Because for me pain is the new happy.