Image - Losing it . (Questions)

So it seems to be I became so obsessed with the idea of one day finally being one of the 'pretty girls' ruined everything I once was. After an abusive relationship of 3 years of not feeling good enough (blah blah blah cutting out the life story.)
I wanted to prove to him how amazing I really am by becoming ‘hot’. But after all the effort I find myself thinking :
People don't see me for my true introverted self, so therefore I'm officially seen as the thing I once despised.
I never have been happy with my appearance. Especially at one point where I went through a time of cutting all my hair of the way I always wanted,( short and spikey at the back with longer side parts at the front).
I got so upset about being ‘ugly’ in other peoples perception , that I completely ignored the fact I just got my hair done the way I always wanted.
I became so obsessed with myself image, I’ve grown my hair back and wear extension and dress in no other way I can find to describe as besides ‘mainstream’ when – In no way shape or fucking form is that me at all.
When I walk down the street I get looks from people I was once friends with like I am some sort of unwanted space.
People think I’m dumb, plain – and have nothing different about me because I’m so obsessed with being normal. I know this is still being obsessed about my image thinking I lost it even though the real me is still here, but I just don’t feel right.
I still don’t feel beautiful, or confident. I feel even less so then when I wasn’t the ‘typical’ look.
I feel like I’ve lost myself.
I’m at a stand still, these days I say nasty things to people I would never even think of saying just to make myself feel better, and cause well its expected of me to be just like my other friends.
Sometimes I feel I was happier in the relationship I was stuck in rather than now I’m out of it.
My grades have dropped severely – once the smartest girl in my year who seemed to have so much ‘creative flair’ I’m seen by teachers as just another stupid teeny bopper who thinks they are cool.
I don’t even know any more – I’m just rambling now cause I can’t find a way to explain how I feel.
So, if any of you out there – have been through or are in the situation I am, advice would be greatly appreciated.