Thinking is Dangerous

I like to think I'm a deep person. I like to believe that I will be successful and progress into a memorable human being when I get older. I like any other person have wondered how my life will be in the future. How many children will I have? Will I get married? Will I hate my life? At this point I'm even sure how i'm going to feel in the next minute nonetheless next couple of years. 
I have such an anxiety, a fear, a phobia of growing old and making all the wrong choices. I have a such a high fear of failure and expectations of disappointment. I never know what to do with myself, maybe that's why I'm going insane. Although that may just be a theory. I have a lot of theories... Theories about life and how it should play out, theories about wrong and right, and theories about what the person next to me is thinking. Constantly actually, that's where the whole going insane theory comes into play. I'm beginning to worry myself, I've actually started talking to myself and out loud sometimes. I'm worried. And not just of failure but of loosing my nerve.
Who am I kidding? I've already failed... The only thing left to do is to give up. I can't do that though I feel guilty for thinking that. I'm determined to stop anyone from feeling pain. Pain is something I wish to conquer something I wish to destroy. That's obviously never going to happen though. But if it did I'd be so happy. The power to banish pain... It's the best thing I never had...