I don't want to wobble when I walk...

I feel so crushed.

I have never been happy with my weight and I guess today was the last straw..

I'm starting a new job on Monday.... an office job. Needless to say I'm so nervous, I'm use to just throwing on a pair of boots and my favorite jeans to work.

Today I was trying on my new work clothes, a skirt and some really boring shirts and when I looked in the mirror I started crying. I looked so big.

I use to make myself sick worrying about my weight and a year ago, after I met my boyfriend I kind of calmed down a bit because he made me feel beautiful...

But today I was talking to him about how I have to move to the city, he sort of mentioned all the extra time I would have and what I was going to do with it...

He asked if I was going to join a gym.

How am I suppose to take that?
Is he trying to tell me something?

I didn't say anything to him or let him know that he had upset me, I don't do that..ever
It really hurt though so after about an hour of raging I went to the bakery and got a chocolate cake, I had just over half and made myself sick, I mean I purged myself which is something I hadn't done in so long...

I really thought I was over it, but I guess not.

Melxx