I thought that the abusive relationship I was in was all my fault, and I couldn't do anything about it. I thought that maybe God or someone was punishing me for something that I've done. I put up with the pain, suffering, and bullshit for about 2 or 3 months. I didn't tell anyone about him and I wanted no one to change us. I began to think that everything I was put through was real love and that it what it was like. My mom knew I was in this relationship, but what she didn't know what was really happening.
He would come over on his bike with a smile on his face, everyone thought that we were the perfect couple. Nothing was going to break us apart, we were to strong for the rest of the world. There was a day when he came over, we hung out in my house just doing stuff on the computer. He would always grab my arm and put it around him, at the time I would just smile and go with it. In my kitchen he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, he kissed me on my cheek. All I did was smile again, I was at a loss for words.
He would text me every minute of the day, and he would always ask to come over. There was a time when he wanted to come and see me so bad, I couldn't let him because family was over. He got so mad, he started to yell at me. Also one night he started to message me and asked me to talk on the phone, I said no because my phone was dying and I just wanted to sleep. He said I really don't care, I want to talk to you. He asked what my home phone number was, I didn't give it to him and he just lost it.
A day when he was over he grabbed my arms and kissed me, a part of me didn't want to kiss him it didn't feel right. I thought that I owed it to him because I made him mad, so I just went with it. He pushed me up against a wall and just kept kissing, I was so scared to move I just tried to think about other things. I pushed away a little, he backed off. I went to the kitchen to get a bottle water, I thought I was going to throw up. He came up right behind me and I mean right behind me. I gave him a water, he put it in his pocket. I wanted to walk away, but when I tried he turned me around and started kissing me again. I had my hands down to my sides, holding hard on my thighs. I just wanted it to stop, I was done. He put his arms on me, he pushed hard up against me. I swear I couldn't breath, I stood there and just took it all. When he was all on me, I swear on my life I touched his private area. He says I didn't it was the water bottle, I knew that the water bottle was no were near there.
My mom knew nothing about him yet, until he begged me to tell her. I kept saying no I don't want her to know about us, and he started going off. I thought to myself what did I do wrong? I am just not ready to tell my mom. I told him he had to leave, he just looked at me and laughed. He said I am not going anywhere, I didn't feel safe anymore. I sat on the stone step trying to not cry, I just wanted him to leave so bad.
Days and days he kept on kissing me, and laughing at everything I did. He started hating all of my friends, he began to keep tabs on where I was and who I was with, he watched me, he made fun of my family, and no matter what I did he wouldn't stop. Each night I cried, I cried so much that I would throw up. Text after text, he would always ask if I was home. One night I was kidding around with him and said no I am with friends. He got so mad, he said he was going to come and fined me to take me home.
During all this I lost a friend, I use to tell this friend everything. When they left I lost it, I thought that I wouldn't be able to make it. One day me and this friend started talking again, I was happy for once. That night he (the relationship guy) came over and for the stupidest reason I told him, I told him that I was talking to my old friend again. Everyone knew that I had a big crush on my friend. When I told him I saw the anger in his eyes, I was waiting for him to hit me across the face. After he cooled down he said I love you and I will do anything to stay with you. I would die for you he said, my mind went crazy. I couldn't think, I just sat there no talking. He said wow you can say something you know, I said I love you back. He hugged me and I started crying, not tears of joy. When he let go I turned around to whipped away the tears, he said that he wanted me to meet his mom. I looked at him with anger, I knew for a fact that his mom worked all morning and all night. He wanted me in his house so he can have sex with me, I told him yeah sure. He kissed me and started to touch me, I pushed away and said that my mom will be home I think you should leave.
When he left I ran to my room crying, I didn't want anything to do with the world. That night I ended it with him over the computer, I hate doing that I really do. You have to understand that I was scared that he was going to hurt me if I did it in person, and when I told him he got mad and sad. He said are you leaving me because of your friend!! I am better then him you need me!! I didn't answer him, I just said it was over.
1 year has passed and I am still here, I am breathing. I cry when I think about love because I think about what he did to me, and I never want that to happen to anyone. Abusive relationship it could mental, emotional, or physical. I suffered with mental and emotional, and I bet you all the money in the world that it would turn physical if I didn't end it.
Its not love when he/she starts controlling you.
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love is now a fear of mine, I never ever thought this would happen to me. I am scared to be in a relationship, I just have that little voice in the back of my head saying that it will happen again. Right now I think I am in love with my friend and I'm scared to death. I know he will never hurt me like the other guy did, but that voice in my head is saying different. I go to a therapist and she did EMDR. It helped for a moment but I don't know anymore.
I really need advice, can someone please give me some.
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