So Happy I Could Burst

Ok so basically the only reason I'm putting this here instead of on my Tumblr is because I know this person won't see it here.

ANYWHO. Quick update on me and my ex (see my last few journals if you care haha): We started flirting again and whatnot very shortly after he broke up with me. And it got uncomfortable for me, not because I wasn't interested, but because I knew it was too much when we weren't officially dating. So finally I got to the point where I felt like I kept having to choose between him and God (that's a long, whole other story) and I kept choosing him because I didn't want to be alone. But that just made me miserable, so I finally talked to him and told him what was going on and how I didn't want to lose him as a friend, but I also didn't think we were meant to be in a relationship.

Shortly after this (like maybe a week or two) I developed a crush on this guy in the small group I was going to. I didn't think it would go anywhere, but he's smart and cute and it was something to distract me from what had just happened.

Well... it's gone somewhere. Kind of. And I'm so freaking happy, it's ridiculous.
We're not dating, but he's definitely at least a little interested. And I'm not exactly subtle about the fact that I'm interested (not for lack of trying, mind you. I just suck at hiding it when I like someone). So this past week, small group met at my house for an end-of-the-summer cookout. Of course, he was there. And it's one of the few times I've been glad I don't blush obviously because he was watching me basically the entire time.

I know this because I was watching him back.

But oh man. This guy has the most gorgeous light blue eyes I've ever seen. Just thinking about him makes me so happy and nothing serious has even happened yet. It's funny, because I'm sure most people wouldn't consider him especially attractive. But just his eyes... Holy crap.

And he's so smart. I noticed that the very first week. In all honesty, I'm pretty smart. But this guy starts talking and half the time I'm just like "Wow, I know basically nothing." And not in a bad way, because it just makes me like him more. And the fact that I'm about 99% sure he likes me back just makes me feel like I'm going to explode.

And it's weird, because ok. I almost never fall for guys this fast. But literally the second night of small group I went home and said to one of my friends, "So I kinda have a crush on this guy." After only seeing him twice and having never spoken to him before. That's so out of character for me; I never fall for someone that fast. But I just... wow. I don't even know. It's like I fell so fast I didn't even have time to think about it.

The best part? I didn't have to do anything to get his attention. Ok, so maybe he caught me looking at him a couple times, but I caught him watching me too. But it's hilarious, because even though I'm a bit scared he won't ask me out any time soon, I'm completely ready to wait a few months at least. But I know it's not up to me to make it happen, and I'm mostly content with that.

Saturday night, I saw him at church. I teach the preschool class on Saturdays, and at the beginning of service I take the kids to the bathroom. So we come out of the bathroom, and he's sitting there at one of the tables facing my way. I'm trying to get the kids all lined up, so I couldn't do more than just glance over and smile, but he just watched me with the class. And then after service, I came out and sat down. He came out from the sanctuary a bit later, and looked around. I waved, and he waved and walked over and sat down and we just talked for probably 20 minutes or so before they turned the lights off (subtle way of telling everyone to leave, right?). So then as he's getting up, he says "So... see you Monday? Or... no, tomorrow I guess. I'll see you a lot this weekend." He walks away, and my mommy and I go to leave. I see him in his car, and he has a HUGE grin on his face. As do I. I don't know that he was grinning for the same reason I was, but I wouldn't be surprised.

So. That was my weekend. And I'm still so happy it's insane. And I don't even care.