I wanna be the best.

Before I go on and tell my little 'story' let compare my mom and I.

Mom; Got bad grades in school; listens to rap music; wears very little makeup; straight; Christian; Outgoing type; Not into piercings or tattoos.

Me; Good grades in school; Listens to rock and screamo; wears heavy eyeliner; sexuality??; unknown religion; more of the laid back talkative types; wants tattoos and piercings.

We're very different people. We fight a lot. Nothing bad, just little things. But, I want to be the daughter that makes my mom proud. I want to be the daughter she always wanted. I know shes proud of my grades. But other than that, I don't think so. She despises my music, hates my makeup. She acts like she doesnt care that I don't know my religion, but I know she does. And if she knew that I questioned my sexuality, that would be it for me. Shes not homophobic. She has gay/bi friends. But she once told me, 'I don't mind gay/bi people, as long as you never are.' If she knew some of the things I've done, shes disown me, and probably send me to some metal institution.
I want to be me. I want to color my hair many colors (I know its bad for your hair but idgaf) I want to wear crazy fucking outfits, with crazy makeup. But then I realize, i'm not at all what my mom wants in a kid. And then I think, what if I have kids and their totally different than what I expected? (Even though i'm sure i will never be mad at my kids for how they dress, and such.) I can only imagine what she feel like. And I hate to think that I make my mom feel bad. But on the other hand, I refuse to NOT be myself for someone. Even my mom and other family members.

I'm not excepting any pity or any wise words telling me maybe I should do something different or anything. It's just that i'm stuck in a spot. How do I be myself and make my mom happy?
One love<3, Aaliyah.