I hate

This is just really sudden. I hate myself. I used to be happy with who I was, but I just don't want to be me anymore. I don't want do die, I do want to cut, but I won't. It seems like I have nothing to be upset about, but nothing is as it seems now. I do not like myself.
I don't know how to explain it, but I don't want to be the person I am. I want to move away, really far away. I want to move to a town where nobody knows my name, so I can tell them my preferred name- which I'm starting to hate. I'm beginning to hate everything about myself, and I don't even know who I am. I hate that, too.

Anyways, I wish I could move away, call myself Spencer, and become a different person. Yeah, I don't want teachers to call me my birth name, I want them to think I'm a boy. I'm not transgender, I just do not want to be a girl. I hate it so much. I'm somewhere in the middle, I think. I'm not sure of anything, which I hate.