Beat of a Heart

When the heart feels heavy with doubt, pain or sorrow, you can feel every beat with every inch of your body. Every painful beat. It feels like your body gets slow. You mind dulls. You emotions dampen. But in a very similar tone. When your heart is filled with love, generousity, and kindness, You also feel every beat with every inch of your body. You also feel like your body is heavy because of how happy the moment makes you and how you never want to leave it. You mind clouds with nothing but what makes you happy. And your emotions are a jumbled mess because of how flustered and happy you are.

So what differs these two? How can someone truely say one is the other. How can someone say they feel pain when feeling love is almost exactly the same? Just what makes these two things so different with the heart? I dont know. I cant honsetly say what makes them different. But i know that one CAN say what it is they are feeling at that moment by following this.

When you feel this, you have to ask yourself.

“Am i in pain? Did i trip and fall? Did something hit me?”

If you want to ask about love, then you ask this.

“Did something make me smile? Did someone just tell me something to make me happy? Did i do something good?”

You have to ask yourself these questions… And if you can answer any of them, then thats what your feeling. Sometimes you will encounter something that you cant ask. Something you cant catagorize. When this happens, your best bet is to simply go with your gut feeling. Go with what you believe is the right path. the right answer.

So i figure, if anyone is reading this at all, your wondering. “Why would he say all this? What point is he trying to make?”

No point. No reason. Just a justification to my own state. My own condition. My heart feels heavy…. I feel every beat of my heart painfuly across my entire body. I feel like i have nothing to do…. nothing to gain… nothing to even wake for… It feels so heavy in my chest… I feel so heavy… I want this pain to go away… I want it gone… But nothing will ever be gone, and nothing will ever fix or help it.

Just to walk… I feel like im stepping on glass. My nerves are shot beyond recognition… My mind is constantly clouded with things it shouldnt be. My body feels like stone and i come gasping and weezing from a simple walk down the street… This is my pain, this is how much it effects me. This is how painful it hurts.

This is what the simple beat of a heart can do to you….