People...

Have you ever had it, where you are in an amazing mood and you are driving down the road or out walking and you decide you want to express your happiness and wave to someone and smile at them? Well I do this a lot... wanna know the response I get? I get scowls and dirty looks. You know what. Screw you downers, I am tired of dealing with people that like to drag down other people because they are miserable themselves.

People at my school all think I am on drugs or that I am immature because I am so happy all the time... the truth is, I am rarely ever truly happy. I just put on a mask like everyone else that states that I am happy. But I am getting tired of people judging me and thinking they are better than me just because I am fat and have a severe skin condition called psoriasis. I am tired of peoples looks they give me... I am who I am, I can't change that. Believe me, if it was in my power not to have psoriasis, I wouldn't, I hate it. It makes me feel so weird and awkward. Friends that I have had for my whole life still give me weird looks occasionally, some pity, some of disgust, some just weirded out. You know what, every look I get and every rude comment I receive just proves to me more and more how cruel and unforgiving this world truly is.

This summer I went to a boy scout summer camp and staffed for a month an a half. There I experimented and went out of my normal boundaries. There I was overwhelmed with people and their mere ignorance. To put it simply, I just don't really give a fuck anymore.. why can't I just die? Like, what's the point of living when you can't even trust your own best friends, and when your "true" friends think you are weird.. then what? My family already makes fun of me for being fat and ugly... So all I have left is friends and when they betray me what do I have left? God? Ha, right. Like he cares. Ugh, this turned into a sad self absorbed cry baby pity journal... Girrr at myself.

Anywho, on a different but similar note; Take it from me, a person who knows: Don't care what others think, because the truth is people will always think badly of you in one way or another. People look for the worst in people and point their insecurities so everyone else won't pay attention to theirs. People are selfish creatures... Unlike most people, I had to learn the hard way.

Please, if this journal offended you, Don't tell me because I don't really care. This turned into a rant of my life which (Because people are selfish) you probably won't give a rats ass about. So please, go on living your life like you always have- believing people are nice and wonderful, because that is a better reality than the truth.

-Billy Reichle