Transboy; I'm just a boy with breasts.

Hi everyone

My (birth)name is Eleanor and I want to become a boy. For arguments sake let's say that I'm a transboy. For all of you people who don't know let me explain. A transboy/transman/FtM transgender/transsexual man is a male who, due to some bizarre circumstance, is born into a female body. For some this is evident from childhood onward, but for others (myself included) this isn't apparent until later on in life.

For me, feeling uncomfortable and unlike myself as always been a concern but I didn't see it for what it was until I was 13/14. Still a naive brat I wasn't able to figure it out myself so I did a little research. What I found helped me to discover that I did, in fact, feel like I should be a boy. This wasn't really a surprise for me and I took to it quite quickly; on top of the research I did I'd always preferred the company of males and I've felt uncomfortable in clothing that's traditionally women's.

Up until now I've always been, not quite content, but I don't hate having a woman's body, I actually find a women's (and men's) bodies sexually attractive, but I don't feel comfortable. It's gotten to the point that I can't get changed in front of the mirror because I feel like I'm looking at someone else's body.

Anyways, I'm only doing this because I actually have a serious problem at the moment. You see, currently, I'm just sitting by my closet door, occasionally peaking out when I'm with my friends (metaphorically speaking of course), but not quite ready to come out to my family. This hasn't really bothered me really, they've not cared that I prefer boys clothes or that I don't like wearing dresses, but my sister's 21st birthday is coming soon and she wants to go to a fancy restaurant, which means I have to wear a nice dress, as well as that, it's my cousin's wedding not long after which means I'll have to wear a dress... again.

Now do you see my problem. I either have to force back all my fear and come out to my family, which will no doubt lead them to simply calling me a tomboy and pushing me further into the closet with an nonchalant "it's just a phase", or spending numerous hours feeling like a very bad drag act.

The answer seems obvious when written like that but coming out is something that is too difficult with my family, on top of their complete obliviousness (I've tried dropping hints to my mum e.g. getting my hair cut like my brother, shopping in the men's section, actually asking if I would make a good boy etc.), there's also the blatant ignorance for any and all things LGBT; my Dad's logic is that gay men are just boys who want to be girls (which is complete and utter bullcrap!) and not to mention out right homophobia (my brother stopped playing on this really awesome Xbox game because one of the characters was a gay male prostitute.)

So, back to original point. Come out, or be a terrible drag queen?
Please help if you can.
Thank you

Evan xx