Thoughts of Spencer.

I broke down yesterday. I was doing fine, and I was tired. I love that time of night when my mind isn't working too hard and I don't notice much. I forget who I am, and I get to be the boy I want to be.
Until I see a mirror.

I don't want to transition or anything, I don't just want to cross-dress, I want to just be born a boy. That cant happen, and I'm just never happy anymore. I cant take this dysphoria. I know I don't have it bad, but I loathe myself, and I want to just leave myself behind, and ditch this place. I want to just forget my past, and g somewhere new; somewhere nobody knows me, so I can just be known as Spencer.

These journal entries are posted here because, well, I just don't like live-journal as much and I don't say these things on tumblr. I just feel weird how this is posted in a 'journal' section, because I know there are plenty of people hanging around in the journal section, reading journals. I really don't know what I'm saying right now, I'd just like to disappear.