I haven't had sex in months.
I went out tonight, to town. The Elephant, which sucked, so we went to PJ O'Brien's, which was awesome, and then hit the clubs, starting with Red Square.
And that's when it happened. Some very, very drunk girl cracked onto me, looking to experiment. It was her hen's night, and I was the closest person with a "gay vibe". We went to the middle of the dance floor. We kissed. She slurred drunkenly in my ear and then dragged me off in the direction of the bathrooms.
I nearly f*cked her.
This stranger, this woman I don't know, this woman who clearly has a committed relationship, who is getting married to a guy soon, this absolutely random girl.
And I nearly f*cked her.
She was drunk. I'm still sober - I've only had three drinks - and then I woke up, almost.
I couldn't do it, and I felt sick to my stomach. I still feel sick to my stomach. I can't believe I nearly did something like that. I nearly made myself the other woman, for what? A crappy one night stand with a straight girl in a club bathroom?
She's not the girl I want. Not the girl I need. Not the girl I think I might care for a lot. Not the girl I'm lusting after.
I had to leave. It's 12:30am and I've already left town. I'm sitting at home in my bed now, still disgusted by myself. My parents know something's wrong, because I never come home tihs early. They know that if I'm going out, not to expect me home before 4am, it's become the custom, since I do this mostly every weekend.
I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of my actions.
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