Just Empty Promises. All It Was. I Hope.

Hmm, so how do I say this? I don't even know anymore. He told me to call him, I did. Well, he said "I tried to move on, but.." & "Maybe we could get together again?". I was awkward through the whole thing. I just, he hurt me & I let him. You know what? He probably just said that to fuck me up. You know what? I'm stupid enough to take him back, but you know what else? He wanted me to give up all drugs except weed and shrooms "maybe". He told me to or else. Fuck it, fuck him, fuck everyone. I'm never giving it up again. Staying clean was/is the dumbest fucking idea I ever had. God, I can't do this. I don't know what's real anymore. Quite literally. But back to the topic. I can't trust I can't trust I can't trust I can't trust never again. This was stupid. Alot of my friendships were stupid. In the end, everyone will leave. I'll wake up one day & I'll be completely abandoned. No one will even pretend. It'll be fucking hilarious.
I broke. Again.
In the instance that I shattered all over again, I went a little insane. I laughed, I bounced around, everything got louder, and funnier. And, so many words. I'm not sure if they're really there or if it's my imagination but I swear these voices are getting worse. Should I even call them that? Haha, I've pretended they weren't here for so long because they'd all think I was crazy or just a faker, but now? I don't even deny it, most of the time.
These withdrawals are hell, but I think maybe if I get a solid pill dealer at my new school, or a less frightening one in my area, I can pull it off. (I'll tell you what "it" is later.) Oh my god, I ran to this deal by this gas station (luckily it wasn't that far away). I was nervous- I wasn't sure when my mom & her boyfriend were coming home but I really needed it. He drove up after 10 minutes (which felt like 30) and it was just a stop, drop, and pay. But the looks I got. I don't know, I'm getting a newer type of paranioa.
Oh, and I relapsed and I'm noteating and puking again. That was it.
Sincerely,
- I can't do this anymore.