Birthday Arguments, and a Rant of Sorts

So I officially want to break down and just sit in my room and cry until I die.

I had a fight of sorts with my step mother yesterday, on my birthday. She is the one cursing at me and going off about how I'm a bitch and how I'm fucked up. When I didn't even do anything to her, I just told her the truth honestly and calmly, I'm not a fake person and I refuse to play around.

Then my dad just takes her side and doesn't even care that his wife is the one that is coming at me like I just started going off on her when that wasn't the case. I talked to her respectably and honestly and then she wants to pop off because I don't like her, so she feels the need to go on my Facebook and proceed to talk all this shit about me, while she's on my sister's Facebook, on MY wall.

And of course she just doesn't stop, and she's cursing me out and going off on me some more on my wall where everyone can see it.

So when my I call my dad later to explain that she's the one who started it, I was being respectable and trying to be honest and his exact words are "Does it really matter". That hurt a lot, like you won't even hear my side of the story because you're so wrapped up in your wife's lies of what I "supposedly" said.

So needless to say my dad and me won't be talking anymore.

It just seems like just when I think things are going good shit just has to pop off. In less than a year I have lost love, lost my best friend, and now I have lost my father.

Right about now I just want to crumple into a ball and disappear into my mattress because I have lost just about everything. I wanted to cry all day in school because I honestly can't stand being around people who take there family being whole, lightly. I haven't cried since I don't even remember when, like one of those good cries that you feel sort of rejuvenated after, I think I need one of those, but I have to hold it in, because I hate crying around people, I don't want them to think I am weak.

To tell you the honest to god truth I miss the shit out of my best friend, I really do, in moments like this I would call her or I would be at her house crying it out while I tell her every detail that happened and then we would spend the night watching movies and eating junk food to cure my pain. i miss being able to contact someone and knowing they'll answer, she was my 2am. You know? By this point I just wish we could be best friends again just lay down some guidelines so that this separation doesn't happen again because honestly I have been so shitty since we stopped talking.

I just want someone to talk to about everything and not feel like I'm complaining, to feel like they generally care and I can tell them everything that's on my mind and they won't judge me. I miss my best friend and I miss the love that I had, and I miss my father.

The three things I can't have back.

So mibbians how have you been doing?