Rant #7: Please help me...I just don't know what's going on...

I feel like something's wrong with me. I know that sounds crazy, but it's how I feel. I came home from school today and sat in my room and cried. No, not just cried. I bawled. It got to the point where it was that type of crying where you're breathing really heavy and short and taking sharp, quick intakes of breath. That kind that we all know.

I'd been holding it in since my second period Science class today, and then it went away for a bit, and that feeling came back during my last class of the day. I held back the tears for the bus ride and walk home, and then made my mom think that I was fine before going to my room, locking the door, and just sitting down and crying for a full half hour.

What's going on?! Sure, I have some things on my mind and on my heart that bother me, and sure, I was disappointed when I didn't get the sweep-me-off-my-feet-spin-me-around-and-never-let-go hug that I was promised today. But none of these things are reasons enough to feel that way. I didn't have a strong enough reason to cry in my room - and cry hard - for half an hour. I don't understand.

I'm crying now while I write this. The same unhappy, heavy feeling is tightening my chest, making me feel so sad. I don't get it, I just don't. I'm a generally happy person, I never randomly do this. I definitely have my moments when I'm really upset or angry, but there's always a good reason behind it. This year has been full of stressful, upsetting situations that have made me really unhappy, but it's the start of a new school year, and I want it to be a fresh start. A clean page. I don't want things to start like this, with this awful, inexplicable feeling of sadness. Am I depressed? Is that even possible for me? Has everything built up until it was too much for me, and now I'm finally unable to handle it? I sound insane....

If you know of anything that could make me feel better, then please tell me. Or if you think there actually is something wrong with me - as ridiculous as that sounds - then please tell me. Don't hestitate at all. I want some answers as to why I'm feeling so terrible. I don't understand it, and I want to understand it. I've never just flat-out sobbed for that length of time for absolutely no particular reason, and I don't know why I did today. All I know was that I've felt terrible ever since.

What's wrong with me?!