My insides are like Mexican jumping beans

As I sit here, watching the Mets game, I realize that I can't stop thinking about Andrew. The kid in my philosophy class. He's so gorgeous. He has curly brown hair and the bluest eyes and stubble. I can't stop staring at him. Well, I make myself because I don't want to look like a creeper. Which I probably am.
But he always sits near me or next to me in class, so I get all flustered and suddenly become aware of my every move. Does this position make my stomach stick out? Is my hair ok? Is my makeup smudged?
We've only said one word to eachother. I passed him a sheet and he said thanks, and I stupidly replied "yup". My voice was all high and weird. I usually don't get nervous around guys, but around him, I can't help it. My stomach flips, my face gets red, I get flustered.. It's all very frustrating. I want to talk to him, but what do I talk about?
Then there's the constant worry of "Does he even find me attractive? Does he like short hair on girls? Does he even notice me?"
I sound like a 13 year old girl. Well, I'm 5 years her senior, but she continues to dwell in me, my childish, naive part of myself.

I haven't even been interested in guys as of late. I'm still extremely in love with a guy named Chris who I never officially dated. But that's another story for another time. (Would you like to hear it? I'll share it with you if you ask :) ).
But let's forget about Chris. There's no getting over him.
So this is the first guy I've really been interested in since late June. And I'm a hopeless romantic. When I like someone, I fall. Hard. But only secretly. I'm not overbearing. I just don't know what to do. My brother's friend Nick, who's 14, gave me advice. He said "Just be like 'yo, you gotta pencil? I forgot one. Instant conversation!'"

It made me laugh, but what if he doesn't have a pencil? Then I'd look stupid, because I always have a pen, so what am I supposed to do? Ask the professor for a pencil like in 3rd grade? Or magically "find" my pen in my bag? Or am I this pathetic taking advice from a 14 year old?

Do you have any advice? On what to say to him, how to get to know him, hang out, develop something? Even if it's just a friendship?
Thank you xo
September 13th, 2011 at 02:44am