Tonight, so long. Farewell. This moment won't come again.

I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. I like to think I'm invincible from fears, from judgement; but I'm not. I would like my parents to think me innocent, and I hope they do. I would like to believe myself to be ignorant of abuse, but I know it's a lie. I'm scared of addiction, but I crave the feeling. I'm scared of feeling, yet I crave the tingling. I don't understand what I ignore, but I'm curious about it all the same. Sometimes I just wish to be alone, to have no one to experiment and explore without judgement, without fear of my past following me as easily as it would if I knew everyone around me. Sometimes I wish I could be anyone else for a few moments, just so I could know if I liked it.

I hate that I can hear the people below me. I hate that the vent behind my head is an open doorway to the apartment below. I feel like I'm intruding, but it's not like I can help it. I'm curious, but I genuinely don't understand the feelings two people could feel between each other. I don't understand love.

So I shut it out.

I don't mind. It keeps it simple.

As they say, "Keep it simple, stupid."

But nothing is ever simple.

So turn up the music and ignore it all, let it float away like clouds in the sky you never knew were there. Let it disappear like that second that passed unnoticed, like that life unknown wasted on nothing.

Goodbye, so long. We won't meet again, but thanks for listening.