It's Hard To Choose Between Two Things You Don't Want.

It's even harder when you don't know what you actually do want.

I know what I want, I'm not going to try & say I'm a messed up freak because I'm not. But what I want - that isn't an option.

What I want is oblivion - but that's not possible without damaging my self worth.
What I want is understanding - but nobody get's it.
What I want, is to be able to make my own decisions without having people expect me to do what's right for them, what they think I should do, what will result in them not getting hurt - but it's in the human conscience to be selfish & I can't change that.
What I want, is to be able to handle whats thrown at me - but, shit happens.

Shit happens, that's life, toughen up...
That's what I've been being told forever.

How about 'Are you okay?', 'Can you handle this?', 'Do you need a hand?' ?
How about CARING?!

No, people don't do that these days, people only do what's right for themselves. Like I said, it's in the human conscience to be selfish. Except, I wouldn't say I'm selfish - there are people like me out there, who are afraid of hurting everybody else & instead put themselves through hell. Which is exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm hurting, like nothing else, but I'm holding on. Because when you know what you want, you fight for it. You fight like hell. Because you don't want to wake up in ten years time & regret not taking the jump, following your heart... Being brave, for once in your life.

It's part of the human spirit to hope the result turns out in their favour.

Life is like betting. You win some, you lose some. But sometimes, the loss is greater than what it's worth, & sometimes people can't handle it, & they beat themselves up for making stupid decisions & taking the wrong risks.

"To live is to risk, to not risk a thing is the biggest risk you can take. Not taking risks is not living."

You can't honestly say that you would rather not take the risk in front of you, because that risk is a fifty-fifty chance you'll improve your life.

Just, stick with it, stick with life. Stick to your choices. Do things on the spur of the moment. Get your heart broken. Fall in love. Cry your heart out. Hurt. Feel. Love.

Take the risks you're too scared to. Make the moves you don't think you can.

You can damn well do anything, even if you don't think you're capable. If it came down to life or death & you had to take a risk, you'd live.

Life is hard, & you need to toughen up. But you need to toughen up for yourself & what you want. There is nothing else more important.

- Dance. :) x