C'est La Vie....Not Really ((Life Sucks))

Most of you know me as his rose; or Cho or i.forgive.you.

Yeah so about 14 hours ago, my fiance broke our engagment off. I'm still not quite over the shock of it all. A part of me knows that I need to move on and to keep pressing forward but another part of me is in complete and total denial not really wanting to do anything. It's one of those things that has left me very torn. Especially since right now I live in Texas which is where his family is. Mine is up in Montana where they are actually wanting me to consider moving. I don't know if I'll do that. I mean I have a job down here and friends (grant they're mostly also his friends but I digress).

I just I wish that I knew what to do. I wish I knew what to think. My brain is telling me two different things. A part of me really just wants to cry, to scream, to yell, to curl up in a ball and do nothing. Maybe get some chocolate (alright loads of it) and watch Jane Austen and other romance classics for hours on end without stop. As stupid as it sounds I don't wonder if it wouldn't make me feel better. I played a game last night called Bash the Computer on Flonga and hit the thing 1000 times. For those of you who know the game (or don't) it take between 150-180 clicks to destroy the computer (you can repair it at anytime).....

That tells you a lot.

Well then there is another part of me. This part is very logical and detached. It says: you need to get up and keep moving. You need to move on. You need to force your head high and not worry about how upsetting any of this might be. You have a job, keep doing it. You have things that you do: do them. What he has done shouldn't drive you away. Don't run.

And I want to listen to that voice, but the people who matter (my mom and step-dad and even his mother) are saying that maybe I should go back to Montana. Maybe not to Great Falls where my family lives, but to Montana where they can be near me to help me if I need them. I know that they mean well, but I don't know if I have the strength to go back there yet. I adore my family, but at the same time, I want to have this chance to stay down here with a job where I actually earn money and can do things for myself. It's nice having a chance to show people that: hey I'm not useless. I'm not some lazy bum. I'm just...well...me.
September 28th, 2011 at 08:46pm