I had an abortion.
It's been almost three weeks. Some days it gets easier, most days it's just plain hard. It's very safe to say that I regret my decision. I didn't have a job. I go to school every single day, even if only for an hour. I don't drive. I recently got kicked out of where my boyfriend and I were staying before, forcing me to move back home with my mother and step-father. I don't have my own medical coverage. And to be blunt, I don't have the fucking balls to tell my mother because of the fact that ever since I turned sixteen, she's been telling me that she isn't gonna raise my child for me and she doesn't wanna be a grandmother in her thirties. She was a teen mom.
Last week, I found out my friend was pregnant. I've known this girl since I was twelve years old. She was my very first friend in seventh grade, when I had first moved to town. Unfortunately, over the years, we've drifted apart. We talk from time to time, but we've only hung out once in the past two years. I transfered schools and she stayed in town. We go to the same college and accidently ran into each other the other day. It was awkward, and that made me really sad. I didn't want it to be like that. I noticed her belly, and later that night, she texted me and told me that she was pregnant.
She has a name picked out. Her parents know. Her ex-boyfriend knows. She's keeping it.
I'm happy for her. Really. I consider this girl my sister even if we aren't around each other all the time. However, deep down inside me, I remember that this could've been me. I could be taking belly pictures and smiling so happily with my boyfriend and picking out baby furniture and whatnot. But I'm not.
I made the decision to have an abortion because I knew for a damn fact that I couldn't handle taking care of another life. And I know people are automatically gonna jump down my throat and ask why I didn't chose adoption? Why didn't I? Because nothing like that is ever certain. It isn't always like what you see on Teen Mom where the baby's given to some wonderful people. You can't always trust people.
The abortion hurt not only physically, but in every other way. If I could take it back, I probably would. I do believe that if that baby was meant to be mine, he/she will come back. They will be mine one day. And until then, I just have to prepare myself to be their mother.
I get a lot of negative feedback. The worst was from someone I knew. She told me that I needed to learn how to use a condom and claimed that she was going to tell my brother. I never told him or my parents. I'll tell you what, those words hurt me more than anything. I don't regret getting pregnant, I regret deciding to get an abortion.
If I could take it all back, I would.
The effects.
September 29th, 2011 at 04:31am