Prayer For a Friend

I suppose you could say I was the leader of a "clique". It wasn't by choice, and we were all misfit theatre geeks, but the other four girls looked to me. I was the oldest, so I suppose it was natural that I was the "leader". Occasionally we'd split off into groups of two and three, but the five of us had great times together. I was best friends with two of the members.

As any good leader does, I looked after the other members. The time came when I felt I needed to intervene to potentially save one of the members lives. I had reason to believe that one of the members who was closest to me was thinking of killing herself. I made a quick decision to tell her mother.

That is when I lost everything and our "clique" fell apart. It took almost eight months, but slowly our group dissolved into nothing. I was pushed out of the group, another member purposefully left. A different member's parents went through a divorce, leaving her a bit ostracized. The other two members--the two i was closest to--became very close, too close. Currently they are a lesbian couple, and I respect their choice, but I do resent the fact that I lost my two closest friends because they wanted to have lesbian sex at age 14. I miss the times I had with those two girls so much. I long for the endless hours in the pool, or watching Phantom of the Opera over and over. I miss who they used to be. I miss them.

A few months into the "breakup" of the group, I started praying hard for a friend. I wanted to have a friend who would answer my texts, be there when I was hurt or sad, shared happy moments with me, a friend who had time. God answered my prayers. He sent me two beautiful friends and an amazing boyfriend. One of the friends He sent and I made great plans for the summer. Every Wednesday night we were going to spend together. But she soon forgot about our plans. She got more and more involved in her life with animals. Now I've lost her to the animals.

The other friend He sent me came damaged, bruised. But I've had the joy of seeing her be "fixed" for lack of a better word. Her past can't change, but her future now looks bright. I no longer lay in bed at night and worry about her. I loved having her, but she is a good deal older than me. She's graduated, goes to the community college, and works, along with having a boyfriend who I absolutely adore, though I've never met him. But this leaves no time for her and I to spend together. It's not her fault or mine, it's just the way life works.

My boyfriend and I broke up tragically. No one ever said "we're through" but one thing led to another and he's no longer mine. I wish he was, even though the breakup was my fault.

Now I have another friend who came into play most recently. We see each other quite often and text frequently, but she won't be here for long. We only have a year, and I've always been one to look towards the future. I don't know how we are supposed to stay friends after this summer. Anything is possible, but not every possibility happens.

I'm left one again to pray for a friend. One of my God-sent friends to spare some time, or even a thought for me, or a new friend. I'm left to wonder if at 16, friendships are possible anymore. I am homeschooled and I go to college with a bunch of college-age students. Is it possible to keep really close friends at this point? Or is it only possible for me to have friends that I only see once in a blue moon? Whatever the case may be, every night I will lay down and say a silent prayer for a friend.