Schizophrenic?

So many thoughts and dreams and hopes. I need to make things seem better than what they are, but I don't see that happening very soon. I need to have security, something I can tell people is mine. It's hard when you don't even know who you are some of the times. Like you're trapped in a room while someone else is inside your body. Not being able to control, what you do or say. It makes you feel less secure than your sad little life makes itself seem, right? I mean, love and pain and hate and happiness make us who we are. The different levels and perspectives on what is what. It all comes together to form us. So why is it that I can;t seem to agree with myself on one level where everything is balanced. Why is everything like this? Why am I not perfect? Why are humans so disruptive? Why can't I hear myself right now? Why am I fading? Why am I...