I don't know if you know

I started this thing called '101 reason I am me' not many people have read it but it isd okay because I'm not going to finish it. But its main point is:

I've decide I'm no longer human. I'm a shell,empty and hollow and unloved. No one even notices my cuts anymore. No one notices I don't eat. No one notices I don't talk. My boyfriend hasn't seen me in almost a year. I act happy but I can't pretend anymore. My best-friend rejected me. I might have a girlfriend but I really don't know. Maybe its a sick joke she is playing on me. No one listens when I scream. No one sees my tears. No one notices I broke all my mirrors. No one is ever here to listen. My boyfriend knows but we hardly speak. My best guy friend moved. My old best friend bullies me. Even my doctor hasn't noticed the bruises or that I'm severely underweight. My mum looks at me like a money bag. I'm raising my little brother. No one knows this but I can't have kids even if I wanted to. I'm a lesbian with an exception. I'm a giant so freakishly tall. I need a hug. I pretend I'm childish to get attention. My mum drags me to church when I'm not Christan. Music is an outlet. I'm REALLY sick but I've only told two people. My parent are divorced. I'm a mistake. I've written suicide letters more time than I've tried to kill myself. No one knows me anymore. I look everything in and everyone out. I scare myself. Ever night I cry myself to sleep. I change my name so no one will remember me. I've been called sir before. I'm immune to thing stinging of cuts but I still do it. I make myself vomit. I hear voices in my head that tell me to kill myself. More often than not I listen. They tell me I'm fat. They tell me to cut. My ex.girlfriend FORGOT we were dating in the first place. I often feel like I'm going to burst. I hate speaking in front of others. I burn myself. I draw on myself because it is my only voice. I almost always see red. I get migraines and forget where I am. My mum thinks I'm a slut. She told me to date five guys at once. I lie to everyone besides my closest friends. All of this feels like its a part of me and I don't know if that is completely accurate or not.

Another thing is I nearly died. My room had a carbonminoxide leak and it made me basically have a seizer. My eyes were open. I couldn't move. I wasn't breathing but I was awake. I was somewhere else but I don't know where. It was pretty though. I think I was dead but woke up. I had been in my kitchen. I woke up and I had fallen and hit my spine and head. I don't remember falling or hitting that stuff. My mum saw this time. It was happened one other time in my hallway but I had been more awake.