THE DAY I WROTE AGAIN...

I HAVE NOT WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL, IN A DIARY,OR EVEN PICKED UP A PENCIL OR PEN TO DOODLE.IN A VERY LONG TIME.MY BEST FRIEND ANGIE WAS FOUND TO HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE,AFTER A THREE MONTH BINGE WITH SHOOTING OXYCONTIN.SHE WOULD SHOOT UP TO TWO,AT A TIME EVERY 2 HOURS.SHE WENT FROM A PERSON WHO DID NOT EVER DO DRUGS,TO SOMEONE I DIDN'T KNOW.I TRIED DAILY TO HELP HER AND TO BEG HER TO STOP.I WOULD GO TO HER HOUSE AND CLEAN,COOK,TAKE CARE OF KIDS AND BE CURSED AT.SHE WAS NO LONGER THE SAME PERSON ANYMORE.SHE WAS THIS PERSON ALWAYS RIGHT.YET,ALWAYS SO WRONG.NOTHING I SAID MATTERED ANYMORE.I WASN'T HER FRIEND.SHE MADE ME OUT TO SOUND LIKE HER ENEMY.SHE WOULD TELL ME I WASN'T HER FRIEND,SHE WOULD YELL IN MY FACE FOR ME TO GET OUT HER BUSINESS AND LEAVE.I WOULDN'T LEAVE THOUGH.MORE AND MORE FEARFUL OF NEVER SEEING HER AGAIN.MY CONCERN TURNED TO PLAIN OUT WORRY ABOUT A MONTH BEFORE SHE COMMITTED SUICIDE..SHE WOULD BE TALKING AND FALL ASLEEP,STANDING UP.I'D NEVER SEEN NOTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE.THE PAIN AND HURT SHOWING ON HER CHILDREN'S FACES.THEY'D NEVER BEEN AROUND THIS PERSON WHOM SHE HAD BECAME.HER DAUGHTER WOULD CALL ME SOMETIMES LATE AT NIGHT TO TELL ME,HER MOM WAS OUTSIDE AT THEIR APARTMENT,SCREAMING AND CURSING HER BOYFRIEND,BEGGING HIM NOT TO LEAVE.WHERE AS BEFORE SHE WOULDN'T EVER BELITTLE HERSELF BY BEGGING A MAN TO STAY.MY HEART ACHED FOR HER,BUT,CRIED FOR HER KIDS.THEY MISSED SOMEONE EVEN MORE SPECIAL TO THEM,THAN TO ME. I WAS FRIGHTENED BY HER NEED FOR MORE AND MORE OXY.'S.SHE BEGAN TO BECOME THIS BIG THIEF AND LIAR.SHE WOULD GET MED.S FROM THE DOCTOR.THEN GO HOME SHOOT THEM ALL UP,IN TWO DAYS.SHE WOULD CALL THE DOCTOR BACK,AND TELL THEM SOMEONE HAD STOLEN THEIRS.BEFORE LONG THE DOCTOR'S STARTED TO NOTICE.THEY WERE CALLING THE DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN RESOURCES ON HER.THEY WERE TELLING D.H.R. ABOUT MY FRIENDS MAJOR ADDICTION TO PAIN PILLS.IN THE END THE KIDS WERE TAKEN TO A BETTER HOME MORE FIT FOR THEM.SHE ENDED HER LIFE A WEEK AFTER THEY TOOK HER KIDS AWAY.SHE HUNG HERSELF.,WITH AN EXTENSION CORD,OFF THE BACK OF HER TRUCK,A HUGE 4X4,TRUCK.IN THE END OF ALL OF THIS,I SEEN MY BEST FRIEND AND A GREAT MOM TURN INTO A CRAZY,DRUG ADDICTED,WHO TOOK HER LIFE WITHOUT THE THOUGHTS OF HER KIDS,FAMILY AND FRIENDS.MAD,NO.HURT,YES...MY LIFE,HER KIDS LIVES AND HER FAMILIES LIVES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.FOREVER,I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE IN SO MANY WAYS.IF JUST MAYBE SHE WOULD HAVE REALIZED I WAS THERE FOR HER.THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE FOR HER.INJURY ADDED TO INSULT SHE WAS BURIED BY THE CITY.LIKE SHE WAS NO ONE.SHE HAD NOT MUCH FAMILY,EXCEPT JUST ME.A SISTER AT HEART,I WAS AND AM STILL.HURT AND LET DOWN BY HER I GUESS I AM TOO.I THOUGHT SHE COULD HAVE BEAT THIS IF SHE WOULD HAVE FOUGHT AT ALL.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING AGAIN.YESTERDAY MY NIECE CAME TO ME AND SAID,"LET ME MAKE YOU A MIBBA ACCOUNT",I HAD NO CLUE WHAT MIBBA WAS.I LET,HER WITH FEAR I'D THINK OF NOTHING AT ALL.AS OF THIS MINUTE,JUST ONEDAY LATER. I'VE WRITTEN 19 POEMS,AND ONE JOURNAL ENTRY.I'VE GOT THREE IDEAS FOR STORIES.MAN,I THINK I LOST CONFIDENCE IN MY SELF.YESTERDAY,I TOOK MY CONFIDENCE BACK.LOOKOUT WORLD.I'M COMING BACK,SLOWLY BUT,SURELY!