Put my hair up

Putting my hair up is some i've always done when I'm going through something. 3 ppl very near to me have died within 2 wks of eachother very recently. I put my hair up when my grandma died & have kept it up since thn ( it's been a month) my bestfriend was murdered last wk. It's still up. So a simple ponytail or bun is not a fashion statement for me it's to let the people around me knw I'm numb. To be there for me when I need thm. People have told my way of handling tough stuff is very weird but it's alway I knw how to let thm now I am feeling something harsh.