I'm just so sad..

I've just been so sad lately. It's not like I have any reason, I just am. I can't seem to find any reason to make myself forgive, or to forget. I hold no grudges against anyone but myself, and I wish I were a better person. I wish i could forget my flaws, just accept that people are so focused on their own internal flaws that they can't see other's flaws, but I'm conversing with people who have a whole new experience than I do. And although it's easier for me to converse, I can't understand. And I can't expect myself to. I mean, I'm half their age! There's no way I could ever expect to know the full extent to which they're talking about. Sometimes, though, I wish I could just shut my mouth., The rest of the time, I wish I could shut my mind off.

I'm sad becuase I can't tell what's screaming in my mind - what's bothing me. I can't accept love or loss. I just don't understand. Words don't make sense. And that, in itself, doesn't make sense.

I long for the silence of that lake, of the beach filled with rocks and dead trees that no longer listen or breathe. Of the wildlife that is so wild that no one dares wander farther than the tree line.. I wonder what I would fine. Would it be familiar, I wonder?