My apologies, my love.

Our story is worse than my last, on the count of, it's been more than a year now, and I still can't seem to get over you. The bad part is that for the past year, you've been avoiding me in every way possible, and I've been wanting to talk to you. I failed so many times but I never gave up and I didn't know why. I broke up with you, that should be the end, but it wasn't over for me. You did everything in your power to avoid me. You blocked me on xbox, avoided me in the halls, and made sure we were never in the same room. That's how you wanted it and that's how it was, whether I liked it or not. We came back to school this year, and we had a class together; I was ecstatic. Then, for some reason, you dropped out. Ouch.
It hurt(s) so much to think about how bad I hurt you last year. Whether I was or wasn't the reason for you to drop out, you shouldn't have, you have a girlfriend now. I mean,I don't really know the details and whatnot, but I can't tell by her eyes, she really does like you. I don't blame her, you're amazing.
Nothing has felt as amazingly comfortable anymore since you've been gone. As much as I want to cry for you, I can't because when I think of you, I can't help but smile. You're my Oreo, my best friend, my better half. I miss you terribly. I want to cut, to see if you'd be as attracted to my blood as you were last time. I don't know if it'll be that noticeable as last time, but I should definitely make it hurt more, to ease the pain I feel when I think of you.
I've been getting the feelings again. All those feelings from last year. The pain of not having you around, but the confusion of what I want. I know it may not matter now, but what we had was real, and not "Omg, it's so real" No. When I say real, I mean real, and I'm sorrie it took me so long to realize it, and I know you'll never read this, but I feel wayyy better putting it out there like this than having it bottled up with this feeling that I'm going to explode.
I remember everything we shared. Moments in the hallways, our publicly private moments, our talks, our laughs, our singing down the streets crazily in love together <3 all of it. I remember. I even remember our baby names we picked out. We hadn't even made it to 2 months and we had everything planned out, and to tell you the truth, that scared my a lot. I never wanted to fall for anyone or for anyone to fall for me; but we fell for each other.
What happened between us was a tragedy, and I never realized how much I regretted it until about a month ago when school started back up and I saw you. Every time I see you or think of you, my heart stops and my stomach flutters. It feels terrible to me, but I know it's a good thing. I miss you, I still love you, and I know nothing that I have ever again will ever feel like what we had. I also know that it's too late and saying this to you would be a waste of breath, but I love you and I hope one day we could fix it. My apologies, my love.