Spencer Tries To Explain His Confusion

My mind has been centered around the idea that I may possibly be a bigender who prefers male pronouns. Here's the wikipedia cos I don't want to explain it, or I wouldn't know how. Sometimes I feel like a boy and sometimes I feel like a girl**. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bigender

I don't want to be. I just want to be a boy. I don't want to be a girl and I don't want to be bigender or gender nonconforming. I just want to be a boy. But sometimes, I just don't see it. Sometimes I forget about gender roles and how the world sees gender as black and white, without the shades of grey that there actually are. (The world's adapting to LGBT things and accepting them, but others aren't, and they make life so much harder)

Sometimes, I notice the change of my gender. Sometimes I'll see myself as a boy and a few minutes later, I'll just feel feminine. I don't like it- feeling feminine. I just really want to be seen as a boy and I want to be SURE of it. I feel like if I AM a boy, this may be a phase, because that's happened to some people. I don't want to come out as a boy and then tell everyone, oops, turns out I'm not...

But I cant turn back now, because I've changed my name 'passionately', as my dad tells me. I've gotten my friends, teachers, and some family to call me my preferred name.

Y'know, the ONLY reason I don't have my mibba link on my tumblr is because of this. This website is the only place I'm talking about this. I've told two people about these thoughts. And one of my friends found my mibba, so she's probably seen things like this, so I guess that's three people (Yes, Tia, I'm talking about you :P)

**actually, when I don't feel like a boy, I feel like I'm neither, and that just confuses me further. Like, I'm sometimes a boy and sometimes a girl and sometimes neither, like gender nonconforming. And here's the wikipedia. My definition though is more like I'm just neither. I guess. But wikipedia is smarter than me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_nonconformity