I've been up the past few nights;

I haven't really been sleeping. I've been relatively happy though to be honest, but I've just felt a little, empty as well. I've been trying to drop old habits too, but it's not seeming to work. I always find my self acting on old activities to cope with my stress, and it's doing the exact opposite of what I wish it would do for me. Which would be, making me better.

I've compiled a list of weekly happenings that seem to make my life slightly difficult;

1. I get bored
2. I get annoyed
3. I get stressed
4. I get depressed
5. I go back home (old house)
6. I do stuff I regret
7. I feel okay for a couple days
8. I realize I have zero friends where I live
9. I get bored again
10. REPEAT

Seriously, why do i do this to myself? One of my goals was to stay clean in my time living here in this new town, all I do is blasphemize my hopes with my own selfish actions. I swear, before I visited my old town and saw Chas and everything, I was puking almost every night after having panic attacks and emotional fits. So what did I do? I went home, got drunk, had a good night, went back where I live now till a week has gone by, and now I'm back here. Not sleeping. I keep thinking I need to go home to make myself feel better. But I think what I really need to do, is learn how to cope with reality.