I just came out.

So, today has been rather eventful. I went to a workshop with my university, finished my project, started crying because I felt my family doesn't care about me, went to Thanksgiving dinner (a week late, but better late than never), then had my mom ask me if I'm gay. And cried some more.

I'm assuming most of you are reading this for that last bit and frankly, it's the main reason I'm writing this. My best friend is at work right now and when she gets off at 11, she will have about 20 text messages waiting for her, but I feel the need to talk about this now. So, you're her replacement.

Here's the deal: I was just sitting on the couch with my mom, watching 'Storage Wars' (which is actually a pretty good show, just saw it for the first time tonight). My oldest sister had already left for a party and my other sister was out with her friend looking at Halloween costumes for a party coming up. All of a sudden, mom mutes the show and turns towards me, all serious.

I swear my heart stopped when she said, "Now it's just the two of us, I think we need to have a mommy-daughter talk." and started going on about how much she loves me and how I'll always be her baby. Somehow, I already knew what it was about. Immediately, I blamed Lindsay, my oldest sister, because I came out to her this past summer when I needed someone to talk to.

After going on and on about how much she loves me (which was nice, don't think I'm complaining) and saying how we've been dancing around the issue for a couple years now, she finally just asked, "Are you gay?"

That's when the tears started falling and in my shock, all I could do was nod yes. Then she started getting teary-eyed and honestly, I don't remember much of what she said, but it was basically just a repeat of she loves me and I'm her baby and I'll always be her baby and she supports me no matter what.

She talked for a little bit while I just silently cried beside her, we hugged, I told her Lindsay already knew but I didn't want to tell her until I was absolutely sure (which I'm still not completely, but I'm getting there), and she said I could talk to her about anything. I have a really hard time talking to my mom, but maybe I'll start trying a little harder.

Anyway, she changed the subject and started talking about this little stuffed bear I've cherished since I was a little girl and used to sleep with every night. Then, it went back to life in general. She confessed after my dad left her shortly after I was born and she was alone with 3 little kids, she thought about suicide "but tomorrow will always be a better day". Then just about her life and I learned a bunch of things about my mom that makes me respect her more.

So, yeah. Basically, my mom now knows I'm gay and she loves me, which I know is not something to be taken lightly considering how many homeless LGBTQ+ youth there are in the streets because they were kicked out of their homes.

But considering the fact last night when I was on the phone with her, she was asking me if my friend Brandon was my boyfriend, it's a shock. I did not wake up this morning thinking today was a good day for me to have 'the talk' with mom, but who actually knows what their day is going to carry?

What I think is weird, however, is how this is happening 5 days before my birthday. These past few years, major events have just seemed extremely attracted to my birthday.

Let's see, 13-14, my family didn't come home after school Friday, which wasn't uncommon at the time, so I said fuck it and spent the weekend at my best friend's place (the same one with a bunch of texts waiting). She literally saved my life that weekend and when my mom actually decided to give a fuck and come yell at me in the middle of the street Sunday night, she was in her house, being sat on by her brother so she couldn't come out and scream back at my mom. Then, when I was finally alone, I called her and told her I wanted to kill myself. This didn't sit well with her, obviously.

14-15, I had just lost the home I had grew up in my entire life to foreclosure, I had moved in with my grandparents (where I still live now), and after spending the entire night hearing my mom and dad talking about how great my sister Nicole is, my best friend and I went to the park where I cried.

Truthfully, nothing really that exciting happened from 15-16 and 16-17, except more family drama where I cried. (I cry a lot.)

And now, 17-18, I came out.

Dear God, I'm actually kind of scared about what next year will bring.

But, take it a day at a time, year after year. Have a good night, everyone. Hope your night contained less tears than mine did. But hopefully the same happiness.