I remember I time in my life when

I remember I time in my life when…..

1. stress got the best of me and I lost control of who I was….James
2. I would cut myself
3. Hit myself
4. Even do it in front of my family (I just wanted others to feel the pain I’ve felt)
5. Years of abuse

I guess being selfish never gets you anywhere in life….

Cutting myself was a huge battle for me. Every single time I cut I just wanted to end my life. End everything……even if it meant hurting the people I truly love.
Every single time I cut it felt good, I wanted more, I wanted to feel something anything….even if it was the pain I caused my own self.
But I found out it is only making your body worse by losing blood. And that one little cut could kill you….

Hitting myself made me feel good. The anger in my life would go away every single time I would bang my fist or my head against a wall or against myself. My Anger is gone but bruises will always remain…..

Hurting myself in front of family made me feel like a king…. I liked to see their faces when I would hit myself or even cut myself… they would scream and yell “are you crazy!” ‘what are you doing” “what the f*ck is wrong with you!” If only they knew how stressed I was they would understand me.

Years of abuse sexually and physically made me who I am today. Some people say I’m a stronger person, some people say I am weak. It depends on if you actually been through it or not. To truly understand abuse is terrible but I don’t want to sit here and complain about it much longer. I want the memories and the flashbacks to be gone for good and never come back.