So shove me in the fire pit, I'm frost right to the bone.

If I wake up and you're not next to me, I'll look around with blurry eyes in confusion. I'll mumble incomprehensible syllables, and I'll scurry on back to my dream land. Why? Because if you're not there, it's hardly worth it. I won't have the urge to get up and face the world, I won't even have the urge to face you. I don't want to face you if I can't touch you. I don't want to face you if I can't have you.

So I'll shiver and I'll curl myself tight into my blanket. I'll rub my calves against each other, wishing I had picked up that razor so they'd be soft as the covers. And then I'll sleep. I'll wake, and I'll sleep, and I'll wake, and I'll sleep, and I'll be tossing and turning the whole night. I won't be comfortable. I won't be warm. I won't be happy. I'll be running through my nightmares all alone and I'll be shaking. I'll be screaming in the silence and I'll be wishing. I'll be hunted, I'll be damned, I'll be chased and I'll be drowned. I will watch my whole world burn away.

And then I'll wake.

I'll wake, and turn, and look around with blurry eyes. It will dawn on me just where I am, and who I'm with. I'll check the clock and groan, because I'm so tired but it's time to go. And then I'll shift. I'll stumble. I'll groan, I'll squint and I'll mumble. Then I will wander through the steps with a fake smile that's hardly there, and no one will notice the tears that drown my irises. No one will notice the way I quiver and flinch. No one will notice the salt stains on my cheeks, or the way I curl.

I'll fake with little effort, and they'll still overlook the signs. I'll tumble about, blurry and confused.

And it'll be just another day when I wake up, and you're not next to me.