wish things would change

A couple days ago I had a mental snap and nothing has been the same. I talked to my oldest brother Jeff for the first time in about four months and it turned into a disaster. It really did suck. It was never supposed to turn out the way it did, all i wanted was to have him know what I felt like. He dropped his little sister (me) and the rest of his family cause his "wife" wanted him to. To me if you get married and your "wife" says you cant talk to your family cause we all dont get along is a bit f*$&ed up. Ive done nothing but stay by his side when she would run off and cheat on him. he is truly a great person and i dont know how someone could treat there other like that. the only explenation is she is a cheat, hoebait, slut, and many other. I get blamed for things that i dont even do and in the end its always me that is f*^%ed up in the head. Im not ashamed of myself, just upset and discouraged. Im a college drop out 9trying to go back), alcholoic, and a drug addict. im not ashamed I actually like being who i am. I just hate when people judge me cause they think its bad. Its my life just let me live it how i want. You dont have to deal with all the judgements and people talking sh*t. Like ive said in previous journals this is the only way i can rant and noone that im friends with or anything will read it. if you do not agree with my language than dont read it. Im not the perfect person and i could careless if you dont agree with what i want to say. its not for you to agree or disagree i just put my thoughts and issues out. I write what is on my mind better than if i said it to someone. Mkay gotta go take baby momma to the doctor peace and love.Lizza Marie <3