DiaryOfTheLoveless

I feel so alone. I feel like no one cares about me. It honestly hurts. Sometimes, i just want to kill myself and end the pain. But i dont have the strength to. I want to talk to someone about it, but i dont have anyone. My boyfriend is always busy, and i dont want to be a bother to him. My friends,..well i dont have any. I cant stop thinking about Ryan, Kevin, and Rob. They're all evidence that something is horribly wrong with me. I mean, Rob, he told me he loved me,..and i stupidly believed him, then he told me he was lying. He broke up with me because i was gat. He said he could never be with someone like that because of how it would make him look. He never truly cared, and that fucking hurts so bad. I really did care about him.
Ryan.
Ryan was, is, one of the most amazing guys i've ever met. He's just so,...i dont know. There's just something about him. July 8, 2010, i started talking to him. He made me so happy when i talked to him. He was the first person i ever opened up to, and i fell in love with him. I never told him during sumer because i knew i would never be good enough for him. He even said it himself. I feel so bad for ruining our friendship. I cried myself to sleep for a whole year. He didnt care though. To him, summer was just him thinking with his penis. I actually really thought he liked me. The way he would look at me at school, or the way he'd try and look for me and make me jealous in the lunch line. I loved it. Too bad it was just my imagination. I would look, but i wouldn't see. I was just...well, its simpler to call me crazy in love. I wished me and him could just sit down and talk about everything, but he hates me. He wants nothing to do with me.

I feel so empty. Its weird. And my mom keeps treatingme like shit for no apparent reason. Calling me fat, ugly, worthless, saying i will never be loved, etc...
i need to runaway. or just kill myself...
November 4th, 2011 at 03:35pm