* So this is how it is,I am typically bi-polar.I go from happy to your worst nightmare.I had recently discovered this a few weeks ago.And,since seeing that the past few months,starting from September till ... now!Has not treated me so well.At day in to day out its left me wondering 'how' and 'why' am I still alive.I am yet young,but I can have a mature conversation with you,making you think I am older than I talk.I am yet physically considered a man,but in my mental mind,I am labeled as a boy.I mean,The way it goes back in forth between situations vaulters my actions and responses.My life is 'changing so quickly and there is not enough time' to grab a hold of things before another bad thing strikes.One,my "dad" past away in June.Hes not my biological dad,but from 5 yrs old to 2011...He taught me everything that my biological dad should have,(I don't hold my biological dad responsible,but he sent me to go live with my grandma and her husband (who then you would call my "dad" (Granddad) He taught me how to ride my bike,bait my fishing line,change oil in a car,fix a flat,cut the grass etc...etc...My grandma got the job from MS!She then moved down there and my granddad he went.Well,my life changed June 5th when I received a call like the millions before,from my grandma and my Aunt Debbie,trying to contact me...My granddad had died that night.As wreck and torn up to be,I was a disaster!But then,from a few months before back in April,me and my girlfriend we separated for quite sometime.We didn't see each other or talk to each other for 3 months,its when we did talk,we argued and I mean we argued!We argued about the defenselessness stuff on how for several months I was leading a "Dangerous" life of becoming too 'abusive" or she was afraid of me coming to that point.I mean I can't blame her.She's had her abusive relationships.But I know I would NEVER to raise my hand to a woman!Who does that seriously needs to find changes in themselves for that kind of behavior!But she was getting scared and having no way out but was for us to separate for a while also a nasty lie,went around saying I was cheating on my girlfriend for another woman,I don't believe in cheating,cheating is everything more of cheating out of everything in life!But back on the story here.In July was the first time we really actually seen or talked to each other without arguing.My goodness,the rush of my heart dropping and missing its beat felt good...We hugged,and started the small talk,you know "Where you been?" "How you been" and the "Weather" Yeah that was us...I felt my feelings race towards my head and made me all swimmie head.I didn't know she was in a "relationship" I had the perfect plan set up and thought up in my head was to kiss her and maybe lead her back to me...Just as soon as I was gonna get to do it,she said it...'I'm taken' Talk about my heart dropping...Dropped right to the ground.It was on July 3rd.She invited me to watch the fireworks with her and her family at a park that was 2 blocks away from my house!So,I said "Yes" Then...Before I knew it,we started back and forth on each other.I judged her and she judged me.See just days before...June 28th 2011.Me and my best friend Jessi,who tricked me into a deep,dark hole of telling me lies and cover ups,seeing no point of dejection that she told me she had feelings for me,and I was developing mine for her...Well lets just say it was one of those situations where things didn't go as the way you planned.I was set up for failure letting her know that I was falling for her...*Big Mistake* But one of those "Live and Learn" lessons.My girlfriend had judged her and me,because of the rumor that people had started between that I was cheating on my girlfriend (Devyinnia) Which I wasn't!So I judged Devynnia for having those "Long Distant relationships" She was trying to make something work with this guy for it failing on her many of times before.But again,we judged each other,argued and etc...Instead of enjoying the time we were face to face!Oh...Well...
** (Current time-November 2011) Everything again is 'changing too fast and not enough time' to grab onto.My biological dad almost died,my mom is simply calling for divorce,and I'm in the middle of everything *Like always* and my mom yet is telling me to make a choice whether to go with her or leave with my dad...I'm young.Don't make me decide!I got yet more to handle then you think I do!Me and my girlfriend are getting serious.Its turning into 2 yrs here on the 25th.Yes,the day after Thanksgiving and Black Friday of this year.We seemed to be getting along RIGHT now,but soon I fear that just might change?Why...Well with her new schedule hoping between helping her friends out,by will having her friend and her mom stay with her as seeing it being there no time for us,unless we meet together at a mall or something.I am just that typical guy where I go from my romantic mood to well ... I hope you get the picture.The man wants IT every so now and again.So,it being as it is now,shes (Devynnia) is still in school and so is her friend that shes helping out,cause her friend and her mom as no where left to turn to.And thats the type my girlfriend is,always looking to help.I mean thats a good thing.I mean I know its nothing to make deal with now,but with her friend and her mom (trying to keep the names of my girlfriends,her friend and her mom left as the way I type it.) moving in by the 25th,it makes having our 2 yr. anniversary not worth celebrating if it to be like that.I mean,I got so,so many plans for that date.I don't want to do it the week before or a week later.Right on the November 25th.I have just the right romantic plans that would just top the anniversary off perfect!I just hope that my plans and the timing can be just right.
*** Well thats all I have for right now!Thanks for reading!
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