Bloody's Overly Dramatic Cupcake Adventure

So today, after getting back from my driver's training orientation, I was bored. Very bored.

And all of a sudden, this genius thought comes to me! It was all 'Hey Bloody! You have a whole afternoon to kill! You have no homework, no social obligations, no chores...YOU SHOULD BAKE CUPCAKES! :D'

And I was all 'lol, k'.

Because WHY NOT? After all, we had an unopened box of cake mix in the cupboard, just begging to be mixed and baked and I had ample time on my hands. Birthgiver OKed the idea and the cupcake adventure began.

Now, sometimes the Universe gives you signs that something is a bad idea. You'll be on your way to do something and the Universe Kanye Wests you and then you realize 'sweet mother of grape juice, that was a bad idea. I'm glad I didn't go through with it.'

The Universe tried to warn me. It said to me 'Bloody, you shouldn't be in this kitchen. It is such a bad idea. You should just turn your ass around, call Crumpet, and ask if she wants to go to the park or something like that. That would be a much, much better idea. I'm super cereal'.

It told me this in the form of me dropping a cookie sheet on my foot.

Now, if you're fortunate enough to have never dropped a cookie sheet on your foot, let me tell you what it's like: that shiznit HURTS. It feels like Satan stomped on your feet. In stiletto heels.

After I dropped the cookie sheet, I let out a glorious metal scream that prompted Birthgiver to facepalm. I danced around on the foot that wasn't shrieking at me in agony. A few F-bombs slipped out, as well as a few swear words that were created just for the occasion. I let a single
manly tear fall out of my eye. I didn't, however, stop what I was doing. One would assume that after I wounded myself, I would've abandoned the whole cupcake project. However, since I'm a persistent, sugar-crazed f*cker, I plugged on.

Huge mistake.

I mixed the mix up, but I almost forgot to put the water in. It all stuck to the beater in one huge clump, and I was panicking. I called for Birthgiver.

Me: MOM! There's something wrong with the batter! HURRY IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!

After a moment of staring at my messed up batter clump, with me nearly on the verge of tears, Birthgiver offered her sage words of wisdom.

Birthgiver: Did you add all the ingredients?
Me: *whimperwhimpersob* Yes!
Birthgiver: Even the water?
Me: ...
Birthgiver: Right. You should add that.

I promptly added the water. After two minutes of intense mixing, the batter was returned to its normal consistency.

After my huge expenditure of effort into making the batter normal, it was time to load the cupcakes into their little cups. By the end of that ordeal, my cupcakes were unevenly filled and there was batter everywhere. My poor Spoonula was out of commission because it was completely covered in batter. Eventually, Birthgiver had to re-distribute the batter so all my cupcakes were even. It was like Robin Hood. Quite inspirational.

The cupcakes are finally finished and it's time to ice them now. If I predict correctly, I'm going to end up eating most of the frosting. Moral of the story? Next time the Universe tries to Kanye West you, just go with it.