Multiple thoughts...Scrambled.

Well it's 3:24 in the morning..
My mom just lit up a bowl to smoke...
I'm sitting here..
I just woke up...

My mind won't seem to stop working...That's all I seem to do here, think. And frankly, it's killing me. I keep remembering home, and then I become homesick, and it becomes the only place I want to be. I've always said that California is my home....But I've come to realize it isn't. My home is in South Carolina...It's taken a lot to come to that conclusion.

I miss John. Everything with him was incredible. He's all I really think about. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I fell in love with him. I know it's crazy...But it just happened. We were best friends, but there was always an attraction to him.

Paul is cool and everything, but he's depressing..I think in the beginning I honestly was just using him...I was infatuated with the way he treated me..But overall he is just depressing. I don't know....

It's weird to be back at the house with my mom, and her boyfriend. I like her boyfriend, one of the best that she's dated that I've known. She came home and handed my five dollars and said, "Your stepfather told me to give this to you, because you deserve to get spoiled too." It defintely caught me off guard. It was really sweet of him.

I feel like I should be a different person...I've been thinking, is this really who I am? I love the person I am when I'm with John and Steph. I actually allow myself to feel....I don't know. All my thoughts are jumbled right now, and I can't seem to write anything down completely.