So I Finally Decided What Career I Would Like To Persue

The Next Great American Novelist

My friend Emily and I were figuring, it cannot be THAT hard to become a Great American Novelist. You know, like that guy who wrote Lord of the Mosquitos or whatever and the chick who wrote To Kill a Blue Jay? Yeah, that kind of job.

Well, we were first trying to figure the outlook of this job; what are my chances of becoming one? Well, since there's only about 1 or 2 per century, we decided that I will be the only Novelist of the Century.

Then, we started talking income. Since all these people have movies of their books, we figured I probably make some good money. Maybe five million? That sounds like a good enough of money to spend on Hot Pockets and Orange Juice while I'm a recluse stuck in her basement. Rats as my friends, no lover. Unless you count that guy from that book. McBeth? Something like that.

Lastly we considered ideas. We knew it had to be something that made no sense and had no concise plot to it; just big words clumped together and random objects to be used as symbolism. So we decided we were going to make a fantasical version of our lives, about how we one day decided we wanted to own our own ranch, but I was too stupid and killed a poor, nameless guy whose only purpose was to be living symbolism and who was flirting with me, so she had to shoot me in the head. It really sucked, sad ending you know? I think I made Disney cry a little.

So yeah, I can't wait!!!!!!!!! I know you all must be super jealous, but don't worry. I'll invite you all to my cocktail parties with Shakespeare and Paris Hilton :)

And to all of you who for some odd reason thought I was telling the truth, this is a JOKE. I actually quite like most of the novels I refered to in there, and I have high regards to them. Though I do find most of the stories a bit over-rated, but that's my opinion. Peace!