I hate the fact that I have anxiety.
I mean, I doubt anyone actually enjoys having anxiety, but I'm nearing the point of being fed up.
People like my parents and friends seem to think it's no big deal, like I can just make it go away with the snap of my fingers. They'll get annoyed and say things like, "You need to get over it!" but they need to realize it's not that simple. I don't even know what it is or how it started, but to me it feels like one day something in my brain just snapped and I'm suddenly worried about everything.
It really takes away a lot of the fun and carefree nature of the way my teenage life is supposed to be. I've made myself sick a few times over worrying for days over stupid little things that I shouldn't even think twice about. In my mind, everything someone says has an underlying meaning that's out to get me. I'm always looking over my shoulder and I'm practically suspicious of everyone. I can't go to unfamiliar places because I feel uncomfortable and out of my element. I can't talk to classmates because I worry over what I might say.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
I hate that a friend of mine will say something seemingly harmless and then I'll go home and think about what they said, taking it apart piece by piece trying to figure out what they meant by it.
What I'd really like to do is maybe see a therapist. I've mentioned it to my parents a few times but they seem to think it would be a waste of money; that they can't afford it and that it's a hassle they don't want to deal with.
This anxiety disorder that I have is part of, if not the full, reason why I want to study and major in psychology. If I can't go to sessions and talk through my problems, maybe this class will be therapeutic for me. I can learn about what's going on with me - how I came to have this anxiety, how it works and how I can learn to get rid of it over time.
I just want it to be over. Anxiety is my worst enemy.
Not registered?
Create an account