Feelings. (#1) (All Of These Entries Were Written Weeks Or Days Before I OD'd.)

As these tears run down my face, my heart stops beating. My blood runs cold. With fire in my veins, I struggle through this challenge called life. When the ice drips down my arms, I feel at home, but I can't ever do it again. I promised. I swore. The pain of abandonment feels so unreal, it's like I'm in a different world. I go to sleep with tears in my eyes and wake up the next morning with a wet pillow. Ever since she left it's been the same routine. Wake up, get dressed, go to school. When she's near I put on my most convincing fake smile. I stare at her engagement as I hold back the tears. When she leaves, I want to fall down and cry. The slightest glimmer of hope disappeared when he slid the ring on her finger. They say I should forget about her and move on, but they aren't me. They don't know how much I loved her, how much she meant to me. What they do know is... She threw all of that away. She brutally murdered me on the inside. All of those lies, followed by lust. When she broke up with me, all she did was lie. Now I cry over her like a senseless idiot. But I know crying won't bring her back. Nothing will bring my sweet angel back to me.