Ah, the Everyday Drama.

Well, I just wanted to rant on & on about some bullshit that I'm dealing with. So here goes, folks.
My recent ex boyfriend Jojo is spreading shit about me being a "cheater". He told me that "three of my best friends saw you cheating on me". Either his friends saw wrong, they're lying, or he's lying to me about them saying that. I'd be willing to sit down and talk to them, get it straightened out if he really believes them. I never cheated, I respected his wishes to be the only interest in my life. At first, I was fucking pissed that he was saying or even believing that shit, but then I realized it isn't worth a motherfuck. So why should I give two shits? People talk, let em talk, there's nothing these pussies can do. Well, I think he cheated on me with his "best friend" (who he's with at the moment I believe). He treated me like an ass for a while, shoving me around and pulling my hair, getting in my face and putting me down (well, tried. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."- Eleanor Roosevelt.). Then he started shit and ignored me. He's scared of my friends too, he said that when we broke up, he didn't want my friends mad at him. I told him I was fine with the situation, then he said he still wanted to get to knoe me then try, and I just told him I wanted to be friends (it's better this way.). He sortof got pissed at that, so I just told him straight up. But yeah, he's an ass as I have found. Being with him, in all honestly, nearly drove me to a gun to my head. But, I couldn't find the gun.
BUT LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKS I GIVE!:D
Hmm, I saw my ex girlfriend's statuses. They're all sad, I feel like a bitch. I did her wrong by leaving her like that. If you're reading this, I am so sorry. I really am. There's alot I'd like to tell you about why I did what I did, and what's really going on, but it wouldn't turn out well. I mean, we wouldn't be angry or anything I don't think, but it wouldn't solve anything either. I'm sorry, Kelcea. Please don't read any further.
I stopped purging, but I sortof have this thing with vyvance, speed & cigarettes. It just helps.
Helps me not want to scoop out all of the fat on the inside of my skin, hell I could scrape it off my bones until I'm a perfect little medusa.
"I don't mind being ogled, ridiculed, made to feel miniscule. If you consider the source, it's kind of pitiful. The only thing you really knoe about me is...that's all you'll ever knoe."
I've kindof gotten to the point to where I don't give a shit about anything, except if you touch me. Then, I release all hell haha. But I don't knoe exactly why, but I just don't care anymore. I'm completely numb. I asked for this long ago and now I want my emotions back. (Cycle) I can now go through anything, and not care. I am told my father has an enlarged heart and a blockage. I'm assuming this is deadly, but I just don't care. Maybe I should, hell I sortof want to. I mean it's not like I actually talk to him or get along with much anyone on that side of the family, but sometimes, I feel. Pain, tears. I hate it. I don't knoe what's worse- my lack of feelings or the return thereof.
I'm not even me anymore, I can't be happy really. I can't smile, I can't do anything without feeling awkward & completely out of place. I just sit quietly. I'm not afraid of death, or getting hurt. I'm not afraid, of much. I don't really talk to many of my friends, I don't have fun. I've gotten better and happier when me & Jojo broke up, but I'm not the same. Maybe it's the drugs. I don't knoe, I don't care. I'll just take more so I can feel. I'm miserable, I'm a waste, merely a black spot on humanity- if I am to be classified with such a group.
What's happened to me?
Maybe, one day, I'll come back. I'll be spuds again, because Ashley is such an awful fuck.
Maybe, I'll be happy. Maybe even happier.
I guess I'll just have to wait & see.