The Fear.

So lately I've been thinking about the future. Scary concept, I know. Thinking about where my course will lead me, when will i meet the right guy, when will the wrong guys stop being douchbags, the list goes on.

I see pictures of my friends babies and want one badly. I see my friends engagement rings and wedding photos and i get a sense of loneliness. Is it bad to feel this way?
I pictured myself to be married, happy and moving on in life by 23. At this stage I'll have a Bachelor, money in the bank and possibly moved out of home.

To top it all off, I discover a close friend of mine's brother has recently passed.
It's a strange feeling - knowing someone as normal as yourself who would be last person to disappear to be... gone. I want to say something to my friend, but I'm lost for words. All i can picture is how many lives he has touched in his 24 years and how much he will be missed.

Then I think of myself and wonder if I'd ever make such an impact on those around me.

The future if full of what ifs and it scares me to death. And to be honest there's nothing else I've ever feared half as much - apart from death itself.
What if my life doesn't go to plan? What if i can't get a job? What if i get kicked out? What if I never find that right person...I don't wont to be alone.