When you are made out to be mentally ill...

The journal title says it all really.

Have you ever had someone tell you you need professional help? Had them tell you to go and see a therapist because you are 'not well?'

I have and it hurts. I have depression and anxiety and I have had it for so long it's hard to remember when it actually began. I was 'diagnosed' with it only just recently. Well, early 2011 and since then I have been on anti depressants and going to therapy sessions.

I stopped all of that a few months ago because I was scared I would get a label. I wasn't quite sure what label that was exactly but I didn't want to spend my life taking pills to keep my paranoid feelings at bay and talk to someone who only made me dig deep in to my past and bring back things I did not want to talk about.

So, for a while things began to get better and I felt that things were looking up especially after splitting with my boyfriend not so long after stopping the pills but then it all turned on me again.

My paranoid feelings came back and I was once again back to where I started, thinking that the whole world was against me. I found it hard to talk to people and if they snapped at me I took it a lot harder than I should have.

Now, I keep getting told that I am 'ill' and even the occupational health nurse said clearly I am not happy and that I am 'not well' (When she said it, it was like she was telling me I was mentally ill and that I was far worse than I thought.) Yes, there are some things going on in my life right now that inspire the paranoid feelings but now I feel as if I am totally alone as my own sister barely even talks to me about it. It feels as though she brushes it off. 'One minute you are so happy and the next you are so down it's like you can't even smile.'

She told me that one night and we keep regularly falling out because I guess she just doesn't understand but also she makes me feel useless and sides with the one person that is encouraging this paranoid behaviour. I am often ignored and made to feel left out and criticised every time I do something. They treat my sister like a friend and talk to her more freely and openly than they do with me.

I have even been threatened to be kicked out of the house if I don't sort out this certain situation with a certain family member. It's hard to explain because I know deep down I am wrong and it would take a ton of journals to tell you the whole story. (Look I am bearing my soul out to Mibba...I guess it's because right now I feel like I have no one else.)

My sister and the other family members have suggested that maybe I should go back on my pills and go back to therapy. so did the occupational health nurse but...why can't they see that pills and therapy won't help. It will only mask the real problem...I am not happy at home and until I can leave no pill nor counselling session will make me any better.

I feel so lost. What do I do?