Stupid, stupid jealousy.

Do you have that one friend, that you just instantly clicked with when you met them? And then when you got to know them, it was like your friendship was just made to be? Yeah, that friend.

Well I'm going crazy about that friend. About a week ago, my best friend made up with some of her old friends that she used to hang out with a lot and they are currently mending their friendship. Which is awesome, I'm proud that she could forgive this other friend and that they are friends again, but since then she's just been kind of neglecting me. We hung out last Friday and things were good, we had a lot of fun, we went to the mall and then to see the school play, which a lot of our friends were in, but during the days, she never eats lunch with me anymore, and she always seem to be busy, on Monday, we have choir, on Tuesday, she has ensemble (smaller group of advanced singers from choir) and on Wednesday she has band.

So, every Thursday and Friday I try to see her for a bit, or keep in touch with her, but most of the time she doesn't really answer her phone, it's just how she is. And now since she's been trying to hang out with these friends more and more, the more and more she's neglecting me. I didn't see her at all today so after school, I texted her and asked her if she wanted to meet up with me and go home together. She never replied, so I just went with some of my other friends, as I got on the bus home, she came to take her bus with her other friend and I just felt so left out.

I got that she wants to fix everything with her other friends, and start to hang out with them more, but is it really so hard to tell me that she's just going home with her that day or something? Instead of not replying...

Maybe I'm overthinking it like always, but it still hurts. Maybe I'm just clingy, but again, it still hurts.

We used to hang out all the time, and she would always be excited to hang out with me and vice versa, but it doesn't seem like that anymore. It seems like she things I'm boring. We've gotten so distant that sometimes when we start talking it's awkward so then she just leaves me for her other friends.

I hate that I can't live up to that, and be good enough for her.

Now I feel like I can't talk to her or tell her anything that I want to, not because I don't trust her but because she's not listening, and I don't know which one of those is worse. Feels like she doesn't care. I sent her another text, it was one of our inside jokes, she never replied to that one either.

She used to post funny things on my facebook wall and stuff, probably every second day, now she just does it to her other friend, the last time I got something from her was oh, let me check...
4 nights ago.

Also, I think her other friend hates me, and if she doesn't, it sure seems like she does. We used to be, I don't know, not friends, but not enemies. Now she just gives me this looks like "Oh, you again..."

I've made new friends, and don't get me wrong, I love my new friends, they're all awesome and pretty fun to be around, but I need my best friend, my other half, the one that understands me and knows me better than I know myself. The one I can talk to when I'm having problems, or joke with and will laugh at my sense of humor, find my jokes funny.

I feel like all of it is just fading away. I feel like I'm losing her, and all in my time of need, when I have so much going on that I need to tell her. I don't trust anyone else the way I trust her.

I desperately need her back.