Sunday, Dec 04, 2011 {Storys of a Drama Queens Disasters} "Boys Boys Boys"

Sunday, Dec 04, 2011

We've all heard about the girl who's in love with two guys and she doesn't know what to do or who to choose yada yada blah blah boo hoo. I always thought she was just some drama queen who liked the attention from boys and just had to brag about it. Well, maybe there's more than just that. There's a lot more details that come into play, more people to think about than just the two boys. How do I know? Because I'm the drama queen. And this is my disaster...

My very first boyfriend, well official boyfriend, Jonny. He was in my first period math class and also in my friends welding class and also in stage crew. So we knew each other pretty well but we never really talked. Then one day I had pink eye and I had to go the the doctor to get eye drops and we start texting. He was wondering where I was and if I was alright. He was the only one who noticed too. That weekend we were texting non stop. It was nice, I was cared for. The next thing I knew we were dating.

Dating him was a much different experience. He was sweet and caring and gentle. He knew just how to hold me when we were cuddling and always knew how to make me laugh. He was the first guy to look at me and not see this crazy, ugly, nerd girl. He looked at me and saw beauty and poise. It gave me a confidence boost and he did things for me and was playful and flirtatious. It was adorable and kind and sweet.

Now Jonny wasn't the kind of guy who would go giving out compliments like they were cheap pieces of candy. He gave them only when they were true. It made me want to work for it, I had to be pretty everyday. I had to be perfect. Not only in how I looked but also how I acted and how well I did in school. I had to be perfect. And believe it or not, I loved that, I became more confident. It changed me and I like what I was seeing. I took care of myself and got better grades and everything. I liked the challenge.

But he wasn't exactly perfect for me. His home life wasn't exactly the best. I'm not going to say much more than that because its not my story to tell. But I will say that my mother thought he was “white trash” Also he didn't much care about his school work either, he was smart but he didn't put in much effort.

Winter break came along and we were still great and happy, we went to winter formal, and he got me an amazing necklace that was absolutely stunning. We had an amazing midnight kiss on new years and were just happy. Then about 2 weeks into second semester we were laughing and texting as usual and the next day was just... uncomfortable. The day after was even worse. He broke up with me that day at lunch. I guess it was just so sudden it didn't really sink in for like and hour. That's when I started crying. I guess that's not a fair statement there might have been signs I missed so it just seemed sudden. A perfect two months was over.

About three months and three boyfriends later I met, Blake. I mean I knew him from when I was with Jonny but it's not like we talked or anything. I just sorta knew who he was. He was trying to go after an old friend of mine who also left when Jonny did. But anyway, I was recently cast in the high school production of “Camelot” as ensemble. Blake was the production Manager. He was at every rehearsal and was always sitting next to Mr. G, the theater teacher and director. One day I was talking to some of my guy friends when the choreographer took Blake's normal seat, so he decided to come join us. We didn't mind he was cool.

That night, me and him were texting when he says:

B: “So after today I can't help the feeling I want to date you”

Well he was funny and pretty smart and he was friends with Jonny. I still had a thing for him you know and maybe if I was dating his friend he would get jealous and miss me and want me back. Boy was I stupid.

Me: “I think I'd like to date you too, I think it'd be fun, a really good time.”

What I didn't expect was to fall for him as well. That summer we were laughing and joking around. We would text and talk all the time. Movies and castles and coasters. We sometimes would go to his house and his parents are absolutely the sweetest things known to man. Blake's father was killed when Blake was young so he was raise mostly by his mom so he has a pretty good respect for women. His mom remarried and he's very fun and super loveable. I saw where Blake got his sense of humor. Anyway, he would send me good night texts after I went to bed, and good morning texts just about every day. They were absolutely adorable.

B: “ Laying in bed thinking about being with you the rest of me life is one of the best things ever. I know you are probably asleep but I just wanted to tell you again how much I love you. You are my one, my everything. You make my world go round. You've shown me the meaning of color and taste and sound and what true feelings are. You are the epitome of perfection in my eyes. I can't wait to make reality out of all the dreams we've shared. Good night my lovely angle.:)<3<3<3”

I mean he was just drop dead sweet just about all the time. But no ones perfect. He's very easily annoyed. I mean I am too, I am a girl after all, but I know how to control it most of the time at least when it's not that time of the month but Blake? He'd blow up over something as little as humidity. Then he wont let me help him and he gets super pissy and... I feel like trash.

Well, the school year starts. I'm a Junior, Jonny's a senior, and Blake's at his first year of college. It made it pretty hard to see him, but we made it work he's see me at lunch and will take me home after school and talk at night. Then he got a job at FedEx, it's a great job and he makes amazing money. He also works a ton of hours, it's peak season so yeah he has to work a lot. So I guess I've been feeling lonely.

Also during this time I've been talking and texting Jonny more and more. It's nice to see him. Maybe a little too nice. I go out of my way to take a path to my next class where I know I will see him, I feel myself get excited and overwhelmed and it's as if Blake doesn't exists.

One night while Blake was at work and Jonny and I were texting when this comes up, unfortunately my phones a butt so most of the messages from me are gone it's pretty clear what was said though so hopefully there shouldn't be a huge problem.

J: “Haha I guess that's understanding but can I just tell you one thing?”
J: “I feel a lil dumb for breaking up with you like I've had that what if? In my head since”
J: “Yeah I didn't want to break up but I felt like if I didn't I would do something stupid”
J: “That the thing Idk like I have and will always be physically be attracted to you its at the time we broke up the mental attraction wasn't there and I was afraid”
J: “I was worried I would do something to hurt you and we would have no chance of being friends like we sort of are now I guess”
Me: “So if you could go back in time would you take it back?”
J: “Probably I mean it wasn't easy for me to do that I never did it before it was hard”
Me: “And why are you choosing now to tell me?”
J: “ I feel that we are passed all that and can move on to be friends again”
J: “Yea and I've wanted to tell you but never had the chance and if you weren't dating Blake I think it would be kinda fun to try again but you and Blake are good for each other and I don't want to screw that up cause I would feel like a [crappy] person...”

I guess I wasn't entirely sure what to do after that. I originally dated Blake to get Jonny and now he wants me back sorta and he doesn't want to ruin what we have. I guess I'm confused and all. I could really use some help and advise. Jonny and I have still been flirting and friendly while Blake and I are still together happy as always, but when it comes down to it I'm confused. Maybe like I said in the beginning I am the drama queen who liked the attention from boys and just had to brag about it. If you have any ideas on what to do, comments you have, anything, please don't be afraid to say so. Thank you for reading and possibly thinking about my disaster. I'll be sure to fill you in more on what happens if you'd like.

Yours truly
Drama Queen