Just Maybe.

Maybe if i screamed a little louder he'll hear me... just maybe.
So I'm at home recovering from an operation and it's not until I'm stuck here alone while my family are out celebrating with an awards night at my brothers school then out for dinner that I realise I miss and want HIM.
The same HIM that my best friend left because he was too clingy, needy and smothered her too much. The same HIM who scared my cousin away because he has long hair, a goatee, a piercing and is into metal and bikes.
I told him we were just friends and I couldn't deal with a relationship right now - the same thing I told 3 other boys in the same month. But unlike these other boys I've grown to really like him. All I wanna do is focus on my future and be with a guy I can see myself spending the rest of my life with - a guy who has a steady job.
Yet as I sit here looking outside at the amazing weather on this fantastic Friday night I can't help wonder what if? And why not him? Yet he's never online and wont answer his phone and I'm under strict orders from the doctor NOT to leave the house.