'Til Death Do Us Part...?!

I've been thinking about death a lot. MY death. Whenever I think about my death I see an image in my mind, that my life fast forwards and then just...black. Nothing. Forever.
A wave of shock and panic and fear hits me. I don't want this to happen to me.
I don't really enjoy my life, but I enjoy life, living, in general.
I think that no-one goes to hell. Everyone goes to heaven. But heaven is different for everyone. Not stupid angels + clouds. Their own heaven. No-one is judged or hater or put down or discriminated, like it happens every day. Heaven is the way you want it to be.

But then I also have the idea that heaven and hell are there JUST to judge us, that's their sole purpose. This other idea is the complete opposite. Everyone goes to hell, no-one goes to heaven. Nobody has ever done nothing wrong. Everybody has something against their name.

I realise that I'm terrified of death. Wait. Not death in general. I'm terrified of my OWN death. But the wierd thing is, I'm terrified of dying properly, you know, old age and such. Never once have I been scared of dying by committing suicide.
I don't see the point of living all these years when you're just going to die, anyway. It's like 80 years of suffering before you actually, finally die.

I guess I don't see the point in living. In life.

e.