Throughout Elementary School I was bullied. It was a small school, and if you didn't fit in then there was nowhere for you to go. No one for you to befriend. I tried, I did, to fit in with the rest of my small class. I tried to keep up with the popular music, but I always seemed to be a month behind them. I wanted to wear the same clothes as the other girls, but puberty hit me late, and I lacked the curves and bust that they had. I got along with the unpopular boys more than anyone else. I loved zombies, and video games; I didn't wear makeup, or skirts; I would rather write than play sports.
Elementary School really was the worst. Ten years of misery. By the end of the eighth grade I was happy to be rid of the girls who teased me for having red hair, no boobs, and no fashion sense. God, that school ruined me. I became a timid girl. I was scared of confrontations of any kind. I had trouble making friends and speaking up.
I took Drama Class in the ninth grade, and every year following. Before High School, I had no passion for acting, but it all changed the minute I stepped onto that stage.
The thrill of being center stage! I discovered a person living within me whom I had never met. Her name was confidence, and I fell in love. Without her I suffered through bullies, with her I had the power to stand my ground. With my new found confidence I started dressing differently, I started talking differently. I even cut all of my hair off, just to see if it would look good on me. I wasn't scared of anything anymore.
And she loved the stage.
The first play I ever acted in seriously was one I had written myself. It was called Three Fold - the story of a Victorian family in disarray. It was a small cast; I ended up playing the father in the play due to my short hair. I wore a full suit, with coat tails and everything. The night we performed was the scariest night of my life. I had never felt pressure like that in my life. Not only was I the first on stage, but I was the last to leave. I started, ended, and wrote the play. I thought I was going to vomit.
The lights in the auditorium went down, and the coordinator of the event walked onto stage to introduce us. I heard the name of my play, and then applause, and then silence. I stood off stage and exchanged a glance with the girl who played my wife. A nervous smile, and we walked on.
I barely noticed the audience. I was too busy making sure I didn't walk too fast, didn't talk too fast. I remembered during all those practices how to "walk like a man". I used a raspy voice, hoping not to break the illusion of my gender. I kept my chin up, my words loud and angry (as my character was in a foul mood). My palms were sweating.
When my scene ended, I collapsed backstage into a chair. I listened to the audience laugh at the jokes I'd written with a smile. Actors paced back and forth with nerves. It was real. This was happening. Months of preparation, even more months of writing, and now the performance. My heart pounded in my chest, and echoed in my ears.
The final scene. I was a sympathetic father. My final line... and I walked off. The lights dimmed behind me, and there was cheering. My face was red. I wanted to cry. I bowed with a great smile painted across my face.
I don't act anymore - I'm pursuing writing instead - but that is not the point of my story. I wanted to hurt myself in Elementary School. The bullying was so intense, daily, for years, that I just wanted it to end. I thought I was permanently screwed up because of those young years of my life. I learned that I was wrong.
I believe that everyone has a talent and everyone has a passion. My passion helped transform me into who I am today. Acting might have saved my life. It gave me a chance to see how capable I am.
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