Falling in love with love <3

I'm currently listening to Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance, wincing from period cramps, wishing it was warmer, and desiring for love. I'm bisexual, so you'd think I have twice as many chances to fall in love, and in some ways, that's true, but right now I'm feeling particularly alone. I've talked with a few guys this year, and I've had a gentle crush on several people, and I've been asked out a lot...

But for some reason, I can't seem to find a good relationship.. I've always been a proud stander of the idea that you don't need a man to complete yourself, but for some reason, I really want to be held and loved this holiday season... Someone to kiss on New Years Eve, someone to share the Christmas spirit with.

People have always seen me as the kind of person who is tough and unbreakable who doesn't need anyone to complete themselves and prefers to be alone in more ways than one. And in many ways, that's true. Most of the time, I prefer to be single so I can fool around and flirt with anyone I want without feeling guilty, but right now, for some reason, I really want someone to hold hands with, kiss, hold....

I know I'm only fourteen and that I shouldn't be worrying about things like that, but all the other fourteen year old girls of the world will agree with me that we DO know what love really is, and that it's nice to have, no matter what your age. People seem to believe that just because us teenagers (boy and girl) on some level are all over the place, means that we don't know love.

But I do know love. Love is the way you'd give anything to make someone happy. Love is accepting all the flaws of someone, and still finding them amazing. Love is sacrificing some amount of yourself to make someone else whole, and devoted your heart to their well being. Love is sticking by someones side through the bad and painful, holding them through the tough times, and loving them the same. Love is giving someone your metaphorical umbrella to them in metaphorical rain so they're protected. Love is looking at someone's heart and thinking to yourself, "I would honestly not change one thing about you. You are beautiful, perfect, kind, sweet, funny and everything I'll ever want or need in someone." Love is crying yourself to sleep when you know they're hurting, and laughing uncontrollably with them at something that's really not all that funny, (dropping something, spilling something, facial expression, etc.)

And I have all this love built up inside of me, with no where to go. I'm not going to just give it out to anyone, because love is special. But when I do find someone that I feel all these things towards, I'm going to look them in the eyes, hold them close to me, and whisper, "I love you," with every bit of soal and passion in my body. Because I truly do mean it when I say: I. Love. You.